"Welcome to Bristol!" announced the pilot as the plane eased to a stop on the runway.

"Bristol?" exclaimed Charlie. "Did he just say Bristol? What are we doing in Bristol?"

"I think you were asleep when they announced it..." explained Kellen.

"Announced what?" demanded Charlie.

"There's a sick passenger on board..." replied Kellen. "They diverted us to Bristol so they could be offloaded."

"How far did we get?" asked Charlie.

"I think we’d made it through most of France..." shrugged Kelllen.

"Not the best way to start the holiday..." sighed Charlie. "I’m going back to sleep. Wake me if anything happens."

"Why’s he so tired?" asked Marc.

"He did the overnight shift at Sweatbox last night..." explained Hamish.

"I can’t believe he’s still doing that..." said Marc. "I thought it was only a short-term thing to pay some bills?"

"I guess he’s still got bills to pay..." shrugged Hamish.

"We’ve all got bills to pay..." replied Marc. "He just seems to make odd choices as to how to pay them. Why doesn’t he go back and get a job with a bank or something?"

"Would you want to do that?" asked Hamish.

"God no, I can’t think of anything worse!" exclaimed Marc.

"I guess that’s why he’s still working at Sweatbox..." shrugged Charlie.

"I’m so glad we’re leaving town just as Trump is arriving..." interjected Kellen.

"I know, right?" nodded Marc. "It’s a total coincidence, but already any sort of coverage about it just makes me want to scream."

"Totally!" nodded Kellen. "There’s just so much that doesn’t make sense. My favourite so far is that he called Meghan nasty. Denied it in a tweet, but they’ve released the tape confirming what he said."

"The behaviour is fascinating..." nodded Hamish. "But what I don’t understand is why there are no repercussions. Who is benefiting by keeping him in power?"

"The Meghan Markle story is an interesting one, though..." continued Kellen. "It’s The Sun, which is a Murdoch paper. The only reason that The Sun got the interview is because Murdoch is a huge supporter of Trump. They’ve got the anti-Meghan quote and run with it because their readers love the Royals, so where does The Sun go from here?"

"Probably drops the Meghan story and just gets back to how much Trump loves Boris and Farage?" suggested Marc.

"Probably..." nodded Kellen.

"Have you been to this hotel before?" asked Hamish.

"No..." replied Marc. "But I think I remember walking past it last time I was there. I think it’s one of those big ones. It’s in Playa del Ingles, so we can’t go too far wrong."

"Do we have to go to the Yumbo Centre every night?" asked Hamish.

"What else is there to do?" asked Marc. "At least we don’t have to eat there."

"All-inclusive..." grinned Kellen. "This is my first all-inclusive package holiday."

"What if the food is terrible?" asked Hamish.

"I think it’s best to keep your expectations low..." advised Marc. "But, at least we’ll be able to wash it all down with plenty of booze, so that’s some consolation."

"Do you think I should just tan naked from the beginning, or should I try and work on a tan line?" asked Kellen.

"Tan lines can look sexy..." added Hamish.

"I know, right?" nodded Kellen. "I really love it when the butt is highlighted in a lighter colour."

"But I don’t think I can be bothered with..." decided Marc. "I just want to strip off and lie naked in the sun."

"Let’s just hope we don't have to spend our holidays in Bristol..." sighed Hamish. "No point getting naked here."

Follow Gareth Johnson on Twitter


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