“Why are children so horrible?” asked Charlie, as he walked with Tim towards Columbia Road flower market.
“That’s a bit of a generalisation!” laughed Tim.
“Is it?” said Charlie. “Okay, other people’s children. Why are other people’s children so horrible and annoying?”
“You don’t have any children…” said Tim. “You’re still saying the same thing. That’s still all children. Why do you suddenly hate kids?”
“I was walking down the canal with Marc yesterday…” explained Charlie.
“To Broadway Market?” clarified Tim.
“Obviously…” nodded Charlie. “Suddenly, something hit me in the face.”
“What was it?” asked Tim.
“I’ve got no idea…” shrugged Charlie. “It was a bit wet and a bit hard. It hit me in the cheek but it didn’t really hurt. Just stunned me a bit. I looked up and there were these kids pissing themselves. So pleased with themselves for having scored a hit.”
“What did you do?” asked Tim.
“I gave them a really filthy look…” said Charlie.
“That would have scared them!” laughed Tim.
“Obviously it didn’t…” acknowledged Charlie. “They couldn’t give a shit.”
“Sounds like a hate crime…” suggested Tim.
“I know, right?” agreed Charlie. “Did they target me because I was gay?”
“Probably…” shrugged Tim. “I guess it’s one of the joys of living in East London.”
“They don’t have feral kids like that in Mayfair, do they?” asked Charlie.
“Probably not…” agreed Tim. “But would you really want to live in Mayfair?”
“Maybe…” shrugged Charlie. “If I had the money. I mean, it looks nice.”
“Was the market busy?” asked Tim.
“Totally rammed…” confirmed Charlie. “It was such a gorgeous day. Everyone was out. The queue for Climpsons was ridiculous.”
“But you still queued?” smiled Tim.
“Of course…” shrugged Charlie. “That’s why I thought we should hit Columbia Road early this morning. It’s looking nice again and everyone’s going to thing that Spring has arrived early.”
“Global warming…” said Tim.
“Obviously…” nodded Charlie. “I don’t get people who try and pretend that global warming isn’t a thing. I mean, there’s all the scientific data for one thing. But even if you don’t believe in science, you get a day like today in February! That’s not right.”
“There’s still people who believe that the Earth is flat…” shrugged Tim.
“Also, even if you want to debate about the causes of global warming…” continued Charlie. “You have to still acknowledge that temperatures are changing. Like, maybe it is cyclical to some extent - I mean, we know there was an ice-age at some point, so clearly temperatures can change - but you still have to start thinking about how do we respond to that change!”
“Totally…” nodded Tim. “Look what happened to the Woolly Mammoths.”
“Exactly!” exclaimed Charlie. “That’s exactly my point. Where are the Woolly Mammoths!”