“You have got to be kidding me!” exclaimed Kellen, as Sandra came into the office clutching a big bunch of flowers.
“They were waiting for me at reception…” shrugged Sandra, clearly pleased with herself. “Jealous much?”
“Totally!” agreed Kellen. “Things are obviously going well with Flower-Market-Guy?”
“Valentine’s Day is so much better when you’re dating someone…” nodded Sandra.
“You’ve made your point…” sighed Kellen. “There’s no need to be a total bitch about it.”
“I’m sure that you’ll find love someday…” smiled Sandra. “They say that there’s someone out there somewhere for everyone.”
“No one says that!” exclaimed Kellen. “Magazines that you read in the waiting room of the dentist might say that, but no one believes it! Valentine’s Day is just an over-commercialised capitalist exploitation of the heteronormative construct of romance!”
“Sure…” grinned Sandra. “I absolutely agree with you. I’m just going to put these flowers that my boyfriend sent me in some water. I want to make sure that they’re still fresh when I take them home tonight and have dinner with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is taking me out for dinner tonight. Just me and my boyfriend. Boyfriend! Boyfriend! Boyfriend!”
“Bitch…” sighed Kellen. “I don’t even need a boyfriend. I’m going to a Valentine’s Pot-luck with my friends.”
“That’s a sex party, right?” asked Sandra.
“No!” insisted Kellen. “It’s dinner. A pot-luck dinner. Although, to be fair, a pot-luck sex party does have some appeal.”
“What are you taking to the pot-luck dinner?” asked Sandra. “A tub of ice-cream so you can eat your feelings away?”
“You don’t know me…” dismissed Kellen. “I’m making a cottage pie.”
“You can cook?” asked Sandra.
“Well, to be fair, cottage pie is fairly basic…” admitted Kellen. “I think anyone could make cottage pie.”
“What’s the difference between shepherd’s pie and cottage pie?” asked Sandra.
“Shepherd’s is lamb and cottage is beef…” explained Kellen. “I think. I’m not sure how I know that. Anyway, Iceland doesn’t sell lamb mince, so mine is gong to be beef. Where are you going for dinner?”
“With my boyfriend?” grinned Sandra. “He’s cooking for me at his place.”
“Smart move…” nodded Kellen. “A meal out anywhere tonight is inevitably going to be disappointing. He is really into you!”
“I know, right?” nodded Sandra. “I’m not used to guys being this keen.”
“What do you think he sees in you?” asked Kellen.
“Fuck all the way off!” exclaimed Sandra. "Don’t bring your bitter single gay white male nonsense at me. Not on today!”